Some endings are beautiful, amazing, full of strength and determination. The photos say all the words that never need to be spoken. Today was the last day of a VERY special time for my favorite girl. For all of the single parents reading this, I think one of the very difficult things about being a single parent (and honestly a parent in general) is wondering if you do enough, can provide enough, and sadly fill in the gaps for the “complete” family that is no longer and you wish maybe for just one moment things didn’t have to be the way they are for them. That’s my world — that’s what’s in my head. When you make decisions as a parent, you really never know if it is the best decision or a poor one. What will the impact be on our babies long term…
When I was treading the waters of the unknown, I really didn’t know where I would land. I prayed for a home for our kids. I prayed to be happy again. I prayed to provide a life for my babies that brought true and unfiltered joy. When your treading water, it’s really hard to stay focused. Your contently trying to put out fires, be strong even though your world has done a 180 and literally you are just making through, day by day. So when you get the feeling that I am going to mention, you can in your heart know your not treading water anymore and you’re actually swimming.
The only way I can describe it is, you know that feeling when you have met one of your personal goals and it really just radiates in your heart? Like you physically feel happy? While today was the end of something VERY special it marked an achievement, a new beginning and a connection to a passion and a LOVE that is truly organic.
To some sending children to summer camp is the “norm” it’s just what kids do. For some of us camp was childcare simply so our parents could work. If your lucky, you went to sleep over camp and if you were really blessed you got to go to sleep over camp for a good portion of the summer. I really didn’t know if any of this was going to be something I could do for Maddison, or for Logan when he gets old enough. These 7 weeks proved something. What is proved is NEVER let anyone get inside your head and get in the way of YOUR dreams. There were so many times I could have given up, and wanted to for that matter. My nurse (medical) friends and spouses can vouch, nursing school is a beast of its’ own. Despite the challenges faced, at times when I wanted to wholeheartedly throw in the towel, I through god’s graces, kept focused on my goal, and what I was working so hard in the first place.
See when I speak as a single parent and wondering if I am going to be able to provide for my babies, it is these moments, that my heart demonstrates the absolute most gratitude. The true unfiltered gifts that we as a family have been blessed with. To see my girl smile with true unprompted joy is something money can’t pay for.
I’m quickly learning that as a single parent, I don’t have a lot of time to “just play” with my kids. And I can assure you that now working from home my time is even more limited working odd hours, however, even the blessing of the flexibility is so much a gift. Quality over quantity. #love
While one page turns today, this is still the very beginning of the book. NEVER second guess yourself. Do good. Some days you may feel like your walking to a dead end… Don’t give up. Love others. Love hard. Sure it’s going to hurt, that’s the risk of love. work hard and stay focused towards what makes YOU happy and just when you think you can’t give any more, reflect on your why, dig deep and push just a little bit harder. Adulting can suck. It can be awesome and it can be anything in between. One of the most beautiful things about this life is you, single handedly get to CHOOSE how you receive, perceive and move forward. Get it. Life is short. Lean into EVERY moment, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Today… I can say without reservation, I have never felt such unfiltered joy as I felt watching this beautiful baby succeed. I’m going to let that simmer for a little while.
With love, without hesitation ❤